Once there was a big ogre named Trumpelstiltskin. He lived in the United States and ate babies when he could get them. The thing about this guy is he always had to get “a deal.” And so he went far and wide seeking deals until he became known as the Master of the Deal. In more narrow circles he was known as The Ogre Who Eats Babies.
One day Trumpelstilskin had just grabbed a Mexican baby from its brightly embroidered stroller and started chewing on its foot. “No!” cried its mother. “If you will spare my baby I will spin golden hair upon your head.”
Trumplestiltskin said, “No way.”
The mother nodded grimly. “Way.”
So Trumpelstiltskin went in search of other babies to eat and see what deals he could make for other missing parts of his body. First he found a baby Chinaman sitting in the middle of a bucket. Trumpelstiltskin ate it.
For the time satiated, he returned to the Mexican mother to get his reward but she wasn’t there anymore. Then he went bananas and looked for a monkey to eat and said, “God damn it.”
“Yuk,” Trumpelstiltskin said, spitting out the monkey’s face.
Then Trumpelstiltskin had an idea. He started to eat a baby F.B.I. agent. When its father begged him not to, the ogre said, “I will not eat this baby if you will find the Mexican woman who can spin golden hair upon my head.”
The F.B.I. agent looked puzzled. “Which one? There are many.”
Then Trumpelstitskin truly went crazy.
To be continued…