The Geat Equalizer

After Trumpelstiltskin crashed like a Kamikaze last night, the wreckage burned with but a faint glow, apparently never fueled up. His opponent sifted the site and, finding nothing there, stood with fists in the air, biceps bulging, evoking Ali over Liston, as undeniably victorious.

Oddly, one glancing at the Yahoo front page who had not witnessed the accident, would take away the impression that the debate had been equal and nothing of note had occurred.

To All Zulu Romeos

Wind, Sand and Stars

Poor Trump

I'm the best at everything. If I was poor, I'd be the poorest person ever. Nobody would be poorer than me. I'd be in the Guinness Book of World Records. I wouldn't even have a car. And if I did I'd fix it myself in the driveway. But I wouldn't be able to afford gas for it anyway so I'd send my kid out with a hose to siphon it out of other cars. Oh my God. I'd be so great at it. I wouldn't even have a beautiful wife. I'd probably just marry my secretary. I'd have a garden in the yard and eat stuff out of it instead of buying it at the store. And I'd shoot squirrels and eat those. And my family would probably starve to death. Maybe not. Dead isn't poor. I'd get food stamps for them. Ugh! Food stamps. Now that's poor. Come on folks, that's really, really poor. And we wouldn't be black. We'd stay white all the time. That would be unbelievable. And get this. My kids would go to community college. Oh my God.  I'd be so great.

Woman Trumped

If I was a woman, and I'm not saying I ever was, I would have the biggest vagina in the world. I could shoot rockets out of it. I'd fly over Arabia and bomb the crap out of ISIS with it. And the most. I would have the most vaginas anybody ever saw. Believe me. It's true. I'd have them all over my hair. Hell. All over the White House. I'd leave them everywhere. To hell with the Mexican president.

The kind of woman I'd be is unbelievable. You can't believe it. I'd be the prototype for the next generation. Hey – I might go ahead and be black. If you're gonna be a woman, why not?

Trump on Gas

Nobody farts bigger than me or smellier.  Or farther.  Is it diet?  I don't know. I think I'm just gifted.  I could start farting toward Mexico and they'd get out there and build the wall themselves. 

Trump on the bathroom:

I'd have more use for Hilary Clinton if she was a toilet.

Trump on God

I fart in the general direction of god.  He made the wallet.  come on, people.  I'm building a wall.

Trump on God

Of course I believe in him.  I'm a big, big believer.  It's guys like God who made me possible.  I'm standing on their shoulders.