Sunday, July 26, 2015

Dang that Trumpelstiltskin

...continued from previous blog, The Legend of Trumpelstiltskin


Trumpelstiltskin journeyed to Barak O’Bama’s house and said,  “Why does my baby look like you?”
“I’m thinkin’,” Barak O’Bama said in his thick Irish brogue, “Why do you look like my butt?”
So then Trumpelstiltskin ate Rick Perry’s daughter.
When Trumpelstiltskin belched, that was the shot heard ‘round the world.  Rick Perry’s daughter flew out and strangled John McCain.
So John McCain got strangled just because of Trumpelstiltskin.  What a Trumpelstiltskin.  Now where’s John McCain when we really need him?


 Meanwhile Trumpelstiltskin went back to Paris to let things cool off a bit.  He was talking to the Hunchback of Notre Dame one day when they both got an idea.  But they were different ideas.

Monday, July 20, 2015

Love Happens

...continued from previous stuff

“You can’t digest me, you stupid Trumpelstiltskin,” John McCain blithered like an idiot, dancing around taking pot shots at his adversary.
So Trumpelstitskin went to Paris to escape John McCain and there he fell in love with the Statue of Liberty.  “I must return to the Statue of Liberty,” he said and started swimming across the ocean.  He swam and he swam and he swam some more.  Trumpelstiltskin saw many wonderful things on his odyssey but then he saw John McCain swimming toward him.  He didn’t know what to do and then it was all over.  John McCain  got married to Trumpelstiltskin and had a Negro child.
                “This is crazy,” thought Trumpelstitskin.  “Why is our child a Negro?”

                Then Barak Obama was in big trouble.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

senior citizen food

 Trumpelstiltskin could buy all the babies he could eat but then he decided he just wanted to eat John McCain, who was an old man selling pencils in front of the Jiffy Mart.  He followed John McCain home one day but he never  got there because John McCain lived all the way in Pencilvania.  So he just waited in a nearby alley the next day and got him as he walked to work.  John McCain put up a good fight and he wiggled and squiggled all the way down.
“That’s what you get for being a jerk,” Trumpelstiltskin said, licking his chops.
Then Trumpelstiltskin tried to write The Last of the Mohicans by James Cooper but he couldn’t remember who Robert Jordan was.  Right then Trumpelstitskin needed to move his bowels and sure enough, out came John McCain with his dukes up

To be continued…

Monday, July 13, 2015

The Legend Continues

Trumpelstitskin was so happy he farted a flock of partridges out his ears and got a television show.   The show was called “I Want to Eat Your Baby.”  According to the rules, non Mexican women had to bring a baby with them and weave golden strands upon his head.  If they failed, of course he processed their babies.   This proved that Trumpelstiltskin liked eating babies even better than golden strands upon his head.   But then a bald blonde woman with a North Carolina accent and the most delectable looking baby wove the golden strands.
  “No,” said Trumpelstiltskin, panicking.  “Don’t do that.  I only want your baby.”  
But the woman kept weaving golden strands and wouldn’t stop until Trumpelstiltskin’s Nielsen rating got so low that he didn’t have a tv show.
Meanwhile the woman got so focused on her job that somebody else came in and quickly ate the baby.  
“Now what?”  Trumplestitskin probably thought, though no one can know for sure.
The years wore on and Trumpelstiltskin grew more irritable.   He became a sailor and wore a sailor suit on the high seas.  Even this did not satisfy him so he came back to Spain and ate hot dogs out the wazoo.
Then his wazoo wore out and he became a rich billionaire who everybody knew about, mainly because of his name, which had “rump” in it.

to be continued ...


Sunday, July 12, 2015

The Legend of Trumpelstiltskin



Once there was a big ogre named Trumpelstiltskin.  He lived in the United States and ate babies when he could get them.   The thing about this guy is he always had to get “a deal.”  And so he went far and wide seeking  deals until he became known as the Master of the Deal.   In more narrow circles he was known as The Ogre Who Eats Babies. 
                One day Trumpelstilskin had just grabbed a Mexican baby from its brightly embroidered  stroller and started chewing on its foot.  “No!” cried its mother.  “If you will spare my baby I will spin golden hair upon your head.”
                Trumplestiltskin  said, “No way.”
                The mother nodded grimly.  “Way.”
                So Trumpelstiltskin went in search of other babies to eat and see what  deals he could make for other missing parts of his body.  First he found a baby Chinaman sitting in the middle of a bucket.  Trumpelstiltskin   ate it.
                For the time satiated, he returned to the Mexican mother  to get his reward but she wasn’t there anymore.  Then he went bananas and looked for a monkey to eat and said, “God damn it.”
                “Yuk,” Trumpelstiltskin  said, spitting out the monkey’s face.
                Then Trumpelstiltskin had an idea.  He started to eat a baby F.B.I. agent.  When its father begged him not to, the ogre said, “I will not eat this baby if you will find the Mexican woman who can spin golden hair upon my head.”
                The F.B.I. agent looked puzzled.  “Which one?  There are many.”
                Then Trumpelstitskin truly went crazy.

To be continued…