Modern Times

The computer was on and on and on and on never off, always soft and waiting. A Mastercard of death it swiped the population, time for this and time for that, no time for constipation. They scanned the planet earth while sitting in a chair and soon everybody and their brother had been to everywhere. They Googled all the facts that were ever known to man and what they couldn’t Google went in the garbage can The knew of all the horror as soon as it occurred safe in the sacred internet compressed into a word They never paused to wonder where all the good times went until the great bonanza entirely had been spent. Then one by one when they got old and the time had come to die they expected just to Google it and get on with their lives. “Don’t worry,” God boomed to put their minds at ease, “we have pc’s in Heaven now pass the biscuits please. “You can Google all the stars, the grandest and the mere, and Facebible all your friends who didn’t make it here.” So happily they went to death, knowing what was there and didn’t even bother to bring fresh underwear.

Getting Small

Now that the fundamental Lego of the universe has been discovered by chimps with glasses, what next? Maybe it’ll get its own comedy show – the Higgs-Boson Hour. I sure hope we can follow it on Facebook. Where's de white wimmen?

Just back from the Florida Folk Festival

Just back from the Florida Folk Festival. Got talking with a woman there who made a lot of sense, as people often do until they bring up politics. “So what’s wrong with Obama?” I bit, always willing to take my brain where no brain has gone before. “Why can’t he produce a birth certificate?” “I believe he has,” I offered. “It took him long enough.” Just to push the topic a little I asked her why he should be required to produce one at all considering no other recent presidents have been. This stuck her for a bit, like how could the answer not be perfectly obvious to me. Eventually she grumbled, “Look at his name,” to which I replied lots of Irishmen have been born in the United States. She really had nothing to say to that.

Land of the Free and Home of the Chickenshit

First Tony Bennett had to publicly apologize for being an American stating his opinion and now it's Ozzie Guillen. And apparently Guillen's doing it for a bunch of very sensitive Cubans who are in Miami on the pretense of valuing freedom! Maybe I've been misinterpreting this concept of free speech so frequently touted as the great thing about living here. I think it actually means they just don't tax it yet.

Better Treed than Feed

Courageous is he
Who steps from a tree
Only to land undefended
Smack on the ground
With lions all around
None of whom he has befriended.

Foolish is she
Who follows down he
To give him a kiss for his daring
And turns all around
with a fierce looking frown
to count all the lions she is scaring.

Eaten are they
In the usual way
Who are heedless of lions below them
And hope to escape
Without laceration or scrape
From lions that don't even know them.