Trumpelstiltskin on The Road to the White House

Previews of First Presidential Debate 2016

MODERATOR: Trumpelstiltskin – You have laid out no foreign policy. What do you say to voters who want details?

TRUMPELSTILTSKIN: First I have to lay out Hilary. BANG!! ZOOM!! You know what I mean? (laughter from the audience)

MODERATOR: Mrs. Clinton, what do you say to that?

CLINTON: Well, this isn't New York City and we're not The Honeymooners. We'd all still like to hear what foreign policies Trumpelstiltskin plans to implement.

TRUMPELSTILTSKIN: I made a bet with Vlad that if I win this thing, Hilary has to give me head or hand over her first born. Sorry Bill. At this point I'm getting a little nervous. She'll have to take out her false teeth.

CLINTON: (frustrated): What does that have to do with foreign policy!?! What about the Middle East?

TRUMPLESTILTSKIN: Okay. If I win you have to give head to ISIS. With your teeth in.

MODERATOR: What if Mrs. Clinton refuses?

TRUMPLESTILTSKIN: She can leave them out if she wants to. But she'll do it if I tell her to. Or maybe I should just shlong her. Or I could let her win so that I can shlong the president of the United States. Or I could go ahead and win and shlong her on top of my Mexican wall. Now that's some foreign policy.

(Audience cheering wildly)