More previews of the First 2016 Presidential Debate

MODERATOR: Let's move onto domestic policies. Mrs Clinton, you appear to be happy with the Affordable Health Care Act. Some opponents claim that this kind of health care hurts the economy. If elected president will you make any changes to health care as it stands today?

CLINTON: As you know I 've spent a lot of time working on healthcare, making a difference. I've stood shoulder...

TRUMPLESTILTSKIN: Healthcare Smellthcare. You want to make a difference in healthcare? Let people die. What's wrong with dying? Christ knows I love the poorly educated so let them go first and show us the way. The doctors 'll hate it because they make a living off dying. They can't do anything with dead.

Clinton: We are the only developed nation in the world without universal healthcare. I've stood beside...

Trumpelstiltskin: Shut up Chuckles. Did you ever think maybe it's time they caught up with us? Where would Americans rather live? Freezing your fat tukus off in Norway with healthcare or here? That's what I thought. It's a done deal.

MODERATOR: Should we assume you'd like to return to the days before Obamacare?”

TRUMPELSTILTSKIN with a thoughtful grimace: Does Hilary shit standing up? Plus we get rid of the AMA and stop requiring doctors to be licensed. Let the poorly educated be doctors. I love them. There are many talented people who can set up neighborhood clinics.  You've got your witches, your psychics, your vegans... Buyer beware. People will  look at results and figure it out quick enough. There'll be a level of care for every pocketbook.   Or maybe they'll take better care of themselves so they don't have to be “going to the doctor” all the time. Before you know it, we'll have dirt cheap healthcare in this country. And without the bureaucracy.

MODERATOR: Alright, let's move on now to gun control. Gun advocates claim that restrictions on gun purchasing would only restrict law abiding citizens, that criminals and fanatics would get them anyway. How do you answer that argument?

CLINTON: I realize I'm not the greatest orator but if Trumpelstiltskin will quit interrupting me, I'd like to say it has to start somewhere. Recently I stood with a woman who had lost her entire family to gun violence. She told me...

TRUMPELSTILTSKIN: Was her name Earp? Look, there's nothing new about this. In 1776 if the populace hadn't been armed, we'd have lost the United States to musket violence. And trust me, if there weren't guns, Mexicans would have figured out how to whack her family. Hack 'em up, drown 'em, club 'em like seals. There's always a way.