Woman Trumped

If I was a woman, and I'm not saying I ever was, I would have the biggest vagina in the world. I could shoot rockets out of it. I'd fly over Arabia and bomb the crap out of ISIS with it. And the most. I would have the most vaginas anybody ever saw. Believe me. It's true. I'd have them all over my hair. Hell. All over the White House. I'd leave them everywhere. To hell with the Mexican president.

The kind of woman I'd be is unbelievable. You can't believe it. I'd be the prototype for the next generation. Hey – I might go ahead and be black. If you're gonna be a woman, why not?

Trump on Gas

Nobody farts bigger than me or smellier.  Or farther.  Is it diet?  I don't know. I think I'm just gifted.  I could start farting toward Mexico and they'd get out there and build the wall themselves. 

Trump on the bathroom:

I'd have more use for Hilary Clinton if she was a toilet.

Trump on God

I fart in the general direction of god.  He made the wallet.  come on, people.  I'm building a wall.

Trump on God

Of course I believe in him.  I'm a big, big believer.  It's guys like God who made me possible.  I'm standing on their shoulders.