Saturday, October 17, 2009

Field and Stream

For some reason I get free copies of Field and Stream in the mail. They could leave off the stream part. It’s almost all hunting. Hunting these days, I have learned, is buying a can of deer whiz to splash on a tree, then climb up the tree and sit on a platform waiting for some deer attracted by those pretzels you’re eating, and bushwack him or her. The purpose of all this is to make the deer glad to pose for pictures. If the deers had any sense, they’d scope the pattern and make themselves more friendly, saving everybody a lot of trouble.

Say what you want about hunters and hunting, like them or revile them, I have learned that people who read hunting magazines, presumably hunters, have something many have long suspected of conservative talk-show hosts - little dicks. Yep – that’s right – three full page ads again this month – get your bigger dick right here!

No kidding. And in case you’re worried that ordering a bigger dick means you have a small one – don’t be. Apparently even guys with way too big dicks wish it was bigger. Of the purpose I’m not sure. The only reason I can see why every guy wants his Johnson to be a Johansen is so we don’t have to walk so far to pee. You know, stroll halfway into the men’s room and Put out that fire! Over a lifetime that could save lots of strolling. Of course Field and Stream is famous as a wholesome magazine that can lure the coming generation off the streets and into the woods, so we must assume today’s kids will be ordering their dick dip or penis pills in preparation for manhood. Probably the younger they start the bigger it gets. Maybe they won’t even need a super high powered rifle. They’ll just sit up there in the tree and whack down Bambi with their giant appendage. I guess that’s another use.

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