And now you've got people saying black lives matter. Which obviously, if you have to say it, they don't. But there it is anyway, a perfectly reasonable, humble statement, hard to argue with in any sensible way and then here comes the blue lives faction, equating black people with Smurfs. No wonder black people are pissed off. Not that I'm saying anything against Smurfs, you understand. Hey – maybe the Smurfs are pissed off. What do you get when you combine black and blue? You get bruised, that's what. And by the way, who are these people talking to? Not the best and the brightest, I'll tell you. You got to be pretty stupid if people mattering is big news to you. Even if they matter only to themselves.

I never saw a sign saying white lives don't matter. You got a white life? I'm sorry. But you just got to get on with it.