Monday, August 06, 2007

This is my "I believe" essay that NBR hasn't sent me $200 for yet

This is my "I believe" essay that NBR hasn't sent me $200 for yet.

I believe I should not profit from the misery of another; therefore were I a news reporter, it would seem indecent to report someone's tragic loss to the unconcerned masses for whom it would be largely entertainment and relief that it wasn't them and really none of their damn business, so I would not do it and my career would be short. I believe if you sell cigarettes, you are pimping for the tobacco companies, so if I were a store clerk, I would refuse to purvey them and very soon I would be fired. I also believe the gene pool would be enhanced if people stupid enough to smoke would die of lung cancer before they can reproduce. With the exception of my parents. Though there are many intelligent people in it, I believe the public is an idiot. I believe people would feel better if they made more music than they listen to, if they felt the earth beneath their feet when they walk and if they weren't forced to know about an entire planet's worth of suffering. I believe giving allegiance to your government is like identifying with your kidnappers. I believe governments wage war until enough regular people just trying to get on with their lives are killed, and then they stop, with no casualties to the interested parties. Many more people have been killed by the United States in Iraq than were killed in the World Trade Center attack. Therefore I believe the United States government is a far more terrible monster than Al-Qaida. I believe people feel obliged only to live up to their self-image, so for human behavior to improve, every individual's idea of himself must improve. I believe I should not say anything behind someone's back that I wouldn't say to his face. Therefore I am prepared to say some really awful things to the people who hijacked this country in the 2000 election, should I ever meet their faces. I believe they are ruthless nincompoops but they are not the problem with this democracy, only the clearest possible symptom of how sick it has become. I believe knowledge of the passage of time is what kills us and we would live forever without periodic motion. At least until we died. I don't think we advance alongside technology's advances. We are still just cave men living in a more perilous time. I believe there is no bizness like show bizness. I believe the idea of curing cancer is a farce. It only can be prevented, by living naturally. Cancer is not the problem, only the clearest possible symptom of how sick our environment has become. I believe I'll have another beer. There is no such thing as good and evil, only nice and mean. I think entertainment leaves people unsatisfied and participation makes people feel strong. I believe Little League should be abolished so kids can just go out and play baseball for fun again. And I believe I am finished.

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