Sooner or later everyone witnesses an "act of cod."
When it happens, most of us are not ready for it. For
example it happened to me in the Astor Theater as I
waited to see Blazing Saddles for the sixth time. In
two days. Suddenly the screen rolled up and fifteen
cod came soft shoeing across the stage. At first I
wanted my money back but then I began to appreciate
the miraculous nature of what I had just seen. In the
realm of natural phenomena movie screens simply do not
just roll up. And then I remembered the cod. Yes,
the cod were there when it happened, weren’t they?
Very simply, since then I have been a follower of cod.
And so I began talking to people about my experience
and many said yes, they too had witnessed a miracle at
some time and in each case they saw cod. Even as far
back as the Bible, what did Charlton Heston say when
he wanted the waters of the Red Sea held back? That’s
right. "Cod dam it."
But unfortunately most people are not ready to
accept the significance of an act of cod when it
happens to them. Take the well documented story of
the old blind lady who was knocked to the sidewalk by
a school of cod. When she got up off the pavement,
her herring was gone as well.
Many evangelists and other fishers of men will
try to tell you that everything is an act of cod.
They are not wrong. If you have good luck, it is an
act of cod. If you have bad luck, it’s because of
cod. And if you have no luck at all, you can thank cod
for that. When you were a child, didn’t the tooth cod
put twenty-five scents under your pillow? Didn’t cod
bring you a beautiful day?
If we are ready, the answers to all our
questions can be found in the word of cod, which is
"blub". "B" for "Be kind," "L" for "Love everything
but don’t eat brussels sprouts," "U" for "Underwear
isn’t necessary," and "B" for "blub."